The Intimadator

"When you work in a small office, there are very few places to hide the crazy."

This is my favorite quote of the week from one of my coworkers.  She's fairly new to the office and is just now finding out what I've known for five years now - our office is a Monday through Friday psychopathic roller coaster ride.  It's a running joke that my job reminds me so much of my second marriage and I partly think that fact has helped me cope with the office full of crazy for so long.  After a while you learn how to spot the subtle (and not so subtle) signs of who is having a bad day, when to keep your head down and when it might be time to sign the separation papers and find the door.

For the most part, I love my job but there's only so much intimidation you can take before something you like and enjoy becomes a dread. Only so many days that praying that the boss doesn't come in actually pays off.  So much disappointment when you pull into the parking lot each morning and realize the place isn't totally engulfed in flames (I've actually witnessed one of my jobs burn nearly down to the ground before.)

Wielding power through intimidation is a mighty thing - a rush of addictive adrenaline.  And I only know this because I occasionally get to be the office intimadator - it's a very rare occurrence, but it happens.  And it happened last week.

A few of us were discussing lunch plans - who's going where and eating what and I announced that I was going home (I have that luxury since I only live 5 minutes away) and having leftover crawfish etouffee for lunch.  They looked at me in disbelief.

You're having what?

Crawfish etouffee. 

Where did you get it?

I made it.

That sounds so intimidating.

I tried to explain that my version of the bayou delicacy was one of the easiest things in the world to make but they would have no part of my trying to bully them into thinking that.  They rushed off to eat their fast food and talk about who does she think she is and can you believe she actually said that??  Meanwhile this office outcast went home to enjoy the simplest, most delicious lunch and felt no remorse for lording her cooking skills over the office minions. 

Seriously, folks.  Don't be intimidated or feel bullied by the title of food.  This is the simplest dish ever.  It is by no means authentic Creole cuisine and does not have a roux base because I'm taking steps to cut processed foods from my diet (in this case white flour), but there is still plenty of flavor and the simplistic nature of this dish makes it appear regularly on my menus. 

Rouxlessness Crawfish Etouffee
(Get it??  Rouxlessness = Ruthlessness.  Sounds intimidating, huh?)

Serves 4

1 package frozen crawfish meat, thawed
1 large onion, diced
1 cup green bell peppers, diced
1 cup celery, diced
1/2 cup scallions, sliced
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1 stick butter
Tony Cacheres Seasoning
Rice, cooked*

Melt butter in saute pan over medium high heat.  Saute onions, celery and bell pepper until clear, about 7 minutes.  Add crawfish and scallions.  Heat, stirring occasionally, until crawfish is heated through and begins to curl, about 10 minutes.  Season to taste with Tony Cacheres.  Remove from heat and stir in green onions and parsley.  Serve over rice.

*For every 1 cup of rice, boil 2 cups of water.  Add rice and stir once.  Cover and turn heat to lowest setting.  Do not disturb for at least 15 minutes.  Fluff with fork. 

Cleaning up my crack(er) addiction

Since starting the October Unprocessed 2013 Challenge, I feel like Old Mother Hubbard.  I can still give my dog a bone because he would sell my soul three times over for a Milkbone, but my cupboards are bare since I committed to removing what processed foods were left from my nearly year-long attempt to change my eating habits. 

You can see what my pantry looked like back in April, and I'm pleased to admit that my shelves are no longer straining under the weight and pressure of entirely too much food for one person.  Ridding my supply of processed items was a huge relief but also scared the pants off of me.  What would I reach for during those moments of weakness when I want something to eat RIGHT NOW?

More than halfway through the challenge I'm pleased to report that I haven't starved to death (yet) but it will probably take me just as long to restock my pantry with the good stuff as it did to rid it of the demons.  There's a lot of label reading involved, alot of products in the stores to weed through and one thing I've learned is that just because it's organic, all-natural or non-GMO doesn't mean it's going to taste good and I'm going to like it.  Some of the things I've tried so far, I would rather starve to death than have it in my pantry again. 

I needed to replace my crack(er) pipe addiction with an acceptable alternative quickly, before I committed really bad food-related crimes.  Of course I could make my own but who the bleep has time for that?  Triscuits were my first attempt at finding an acceptable crack alternative, but after doing some research on canola oil (one of the ingredients in Triscuits) and considering I could consume enough of them to kill a lab rat, I decided to steer clear of them.

Have you ever looked at the ingredients listed on the box of your favorite crackers?  Check out the ingredients on this box of Kashi crackers - a brand that markets itself as a healthy, nothing artificial, whole grain good-for-you product.  More than 20 items listed in something you can make at home with less than 5 ingredients.  And God only know where that "natural flavor" came from.  No thanks. 

I started paying attention to sections of the grocery store that I normally blew past, never giving a second glance or much thought to and the Jewish section yielded some really great cracker finds!  Check out the ingredients on the Streit's 100% Whole Wheat Matzo crackers and the Manischewitz brand of matzo.  Pretty simple stuff, huh?

Now check out the ingredients on the Kavli Crispy Garlic crackers.  While it does contain sugar, there's not even enough of it to even register on the RDA scale so I decided they were acceptable.

Finding good, clean, unprocessed convenience items takes a bit of effort and some thinking and looking outside the box.  If there is a questionable ingredient, look it up online and I guarantee you'll find more than you need to know about it (and if it's questionable to begin with that should tell you something, no?)

It's time to slow down, unwind, unprocess and pay attention to what goes into your mouth.  Treat your body like the temple it is meant to be instead of a make-shift pup tent.  You won't regret it and I can promise there are much-better-for-you alternatives out there to the things you currently love to eat.  If I can clean up my crack(er) addiction,  I have faith that you can too!

Shaken or Stirred?

Since I pledged to participate in the October Unprocessed 2013 challenge, I've been searching for recipes with lots of bang for the buck when it comes to flavor.  This Rachael Ray recipe for mussels simmered in a dirty martini sauce fit the bill for me.

This may not fit the "real food" model for some people with the addition of alcohol, but it does pass the "kitchen test" and alcohol is addressed in the FAQs.  It wasn't my intention to cut alcohol out of my diet anyway, because the thought of no alcohol forever (let alone for a whole month) fills me with absolute terror. 

I used frozen mussels from the frozen seafood section of my grocery store because I've never had good luck with the fresh mussels actually being fresh.  Plus, I barely have time to shave my own legs in the mornings, so where would I find time to scrub and de-beard a couple dozen crustaceans?  I keep a couple of packs of mussels in my freezer for the occasions when I crave the mussels in spicy tomato sauce or this delicious paella.  

And just like a perfectly mixed martini served in a frosty glass after a hard day's work, this recipe didn't disappoint.  I loved the olive pesto so much that I skimped on adding it all to the dish and ate some with cheese and crackers during the week for a snack.  

Rachael Ray may drive me to drink, but the woman has awesome mussels!

Dirty Martini Mussels
Serves 4


1 cup packed flat-leaf parsley
¾ cup pitted green olives
3 tablespoons olive brine
4 cloves garlic, pasted or grated
1 lemon, zested and juiced
6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 small onions, chopped
Salt and Pepper
½ cup good quality gin
¼ dry vermouth
3 pounds medium mussels (about 4 dozen) scrubbed and de-bearded
3  tablespoons butter
Warm crusty bread, torn in chunks for mopping sauce

Using a food processor, finely chop the parsley, olives, garlic and lemon zest.  Pour in ¼ cup EVOO and the lemon juice and process into a pesto.

In a large pot or deep skillet with a tight fitting lid, heat the remaining 2 T of EVOO, 2 turns of the pan, over medium high heat.  Add the onions and cook until softened, 5 to6 minutes.  Season with salt and pepper.  Stir in the pesto.  Add the gin and vermouth and cook until reduced, about 1 minute.

Add the mussels, cover and steam until opened, 6 to 8 minutes; discard any unopened shells.

Add the butter to the mussels and shake the pan to melt it into sauce.  Serve with the bread for mopping.

Attack of the cherry tomatoes

I'm convinced that cherry tomatoes are going to one day take over the world as they certainly took over my garden this year.  I even noticed rogue plants springing up in the flower containers where I've used my compost as fertilizer.

I've eaten a ton of them in salads. I've whizzed up countless ones for fresh salsa. My freezer is full of them to be used later for soups and stews.  Tomatoes were taking over my life and I was running out of ideas.  But even with the overrun, I'm sort of sad to see them dwindle away - my plants are still loaded with bright green orbs but I doubt they'll ripen much now that the weather is turning cooler. 

I found this little gem of a recipe in the August 2013 issue of Eating Well magazine and it was the perfect way to finish off my bounty of cherry tomatoes.  I'm too cheap to buy "real" lobster meat and I didn't want shrimp, so I used langostino for this recipe.  It's a lobster-like crustacean and very similar to crayfish (or crawdaddy, if you're from the South.)

This Seaside Tomato Gazpacho would be great for a light meal during the hotter months of summer or a fun party appetizer served in small shot glasses.

Seaside Tomato Gazpacho
Eating Well magazine, August 2013

serves 4 (1-1/2 cup each for entree) or 6 (1 cup each for appetizer)

printable recipe

3 cups low-sodium vegetable juice, such as V8 or R.W. Knudsen Very Veggie
1 orange bell pepper, diced
1 1/2 cups diced fennel bulb or celery, plus 1/4 cup fennel fronds or celery leaves, divided
1 cup diced tomato
1/3 cup finely diced red onion
2 tablespoons red-wine vinegar
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups chopped cooked lobster from two 1- to 1 1/4-pound live lobsters or 2 cups chopped peeled cooked shrimp
1 avocado, chopped

1.  Combine vegetable juice, bell pepper, fennel (or celery), tomato, onion, vinegar, oil, Old Bay, pepper and salt in a large bowl. Cover and refrigerate until chilled, at least 2 hours and up to 3 days.

2.  Top each serving of gazpacho with 1/2 cup lobster (or shrimp) for an entree portion or 1/3 cup for an appetizer serving. Garnish with avocado and fennel fronds (or celery leaves).

Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 1. Cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days. Finish with Step 2 just before serving.

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